Whether it be with an employer, employee, spouse or friend, every person on this earth has had at least 1 unproductive conversation.
Reflect on a significant unproductive conversation you’ve had and what made it unproductive. For most of us, that unproductive conversation looked like some combination of the below:
- the parties were not clear about what they wanted out of the conversation
- you felt like you couldn’t express what you wanted to say in fear of emotional and/or physical consequences
- you felt like the other party was distracted and/or not engaged in the conversation
- the conversation was all over the place
Now, reflect on a meaningful, constructive conversation you’ve had. What made that conversation different to the first one you recalled? In my experience, constructive conversations boil down to having four key elements:
1) Purpose
- I’m clear on why we are having this conversation
- I feel it is an important conversation to be had
- I feel this is the right time to be having the conversation
2) Presence
- Physical presence – the right people are involved in the conversation
- Emotional presence – everyone involved is fully present and not distracted
- Intellectual presence – everyone is switched on mentally and have brought their “A-game”
3) Psychological Safety
- I will be able to express my view points freely
- I feel I will be heard
- There will be no negative consequences for expressing my views
4) Process
- Be clear on the process – where, when and how
- Ensuring all voices are heard
- Reaching an agreement and/or aligning on next steps
Next time you’re preparing for a constructive conversation, apply these four principles and see the difference.
